Something New

 "Do the same thing you have always done and get the same things you have always gotten."

We parent the same way and expect more from our kids.  We put the same old energy into our marriage and expect it to be more fulfilling.  Or if we're single, we continue in our same old routine and wonder why we never meet anyone new.  We work the same hours doing the same things and thinking the same thoughts and wonder why we aren't promoted. We go to the same places all the time and expect to be inspired.  We eat the same things and wonder why we weigh the same and have the same lack of energy.  We read, watch, and listen to the same kinds of things and wonder why we don't feel more creative.  We do the same activities all the time and wonder why they aren't as fun.  We get mad or frustrated by the same stuff and the same people, without ever concluding that perhaps we are the common denominator in that equation.  We do the same workout, run the same routes, and wonder why we are stuck in a fitness and morale plateau. We live and love and give in the same way and wonder why we never grow. 

-Kristin Armstrong, from her blog "Mile Markers" on runnersworld.com

Whoa.

I mean, really; Whoa.

Does this resonate with you?  I read Kristin's blog all the time because I admire her and am interested in what she has to say.  Please, the woman brought Lance Armstrong back from the brink of death, bore his three children, left her career and was his wingman/pit crew/cheering section for years until he moved on... to Sheryl Crow.  Yeah, yeah, I don't really know their story and it's none of my business, but she's a good writer and a smart, interesting woman.  The above segment is from a post reflecting upon an experience in yoga class.  It speaks to precisely where I am in my life.

I live a small life, really.  There is little flash, no huge changes or surprises, our days are very routine and familiar.  But day in and out I struggle, to the point of guilt and frustration, that the things I wish were different, aren't.  I'm not talking "the Secret" here - I certainly understand the power of positive self-thought and self-concept.  I'm talking about the conversations we all have in our heads:  "Why can't I lose those last ten pounds?  Why do I never have time to finish the laundry/dishes/cleaning?  Why am I always so grouchy with my kids/husband?  Why don't I foster my creative side more often?"  These are a smattering from my inner-dialogue, but the problem is not the questions, the problem is that eventually you get sick of asking them.  It then becomes, "I'm so sick of hearing myself complain about not losing those last ten pounds.  I'm never going to do it, so I ought to just shut-up about it.  I can't follow through.  I have no will-power."

Right?

Well, that's the case for me.  It's exactly as if I want the change to occur instantaneously - with little or no hard work on my end.  Why can't it just POOF! and be different, just by wanting it to be so?  I process by writing and talking, and this blog serves as my journal and outlet, so I'm writing this today to express my unwaivering understanding and acceptance of the necessity of change.  In this respect, inertia is my enemy.  I need some momentum.  I need some fresh eyes.  I need to try a few things differently and shake things up.  Be bold.

I'm going to pull a few rabbits from my hat in the next few weeks and let you know how it goes; if you have any little secrets about instituting change, breaking bad habits, I'd love to hear them.  I really think it's all about being willing to try something different and sticking with it when it gets tough.  On that note, behold my two-something year-old waterskiing for the first time on the lake the other day.  She got almost completely up a few times and definitely skied along for awhile, albeit on her tush here and there.

Guts.  Commitment.  Something new.  She's a better girl than I.